ADHD, Change, and Getting Unstuck
Specialized in working with women and LGBTQ+ clients primarily in St. Louis and Lisbon
Offering in-person sessions in Lisbon and online therapy across Missouri, Portugal, and internationally.
A nervous system, IFS/parts-informed approach.
When you want to make a change, but getting started feels impossibly hard
Many people come to therapy wanting to make a change. They know something needs to shift, but they feel stuck at the very beginning. Starting feels overwhelming. Transitions tend to be hard. Momentum is inconsistent. The internal experience can feel noisy, urgent, and paralyzing all at once.
For some people, these struggles are connected to already identified ADD or ADHD tendencies. For others, they show up as long-standing patterns around attention, energy, motivation, and overwhelm, without a formal diagnosis.
My work does not focus on making formal diagnoses, but rather on learning about the parts of a person that have developed over time. You do not need to have ever been officially diagnosed with ADD or ADHD for this work to be relevant, and if you do have a formal diagnosis, that is okay too. What matters is whether certain traits feel familiar to you, such as difficulty starting, trouble transitioning, periods of hyperfocus followed by burnout, or a sense that your nervous system does not respond well to pressure or force.
Speaking of formal diagnoses, you may notice that I use both ADD and ADHD language here. While ADHD is the current formal diagnostic term, many adults, particularly women and gender-diverse people, were originally identified, or self-identified, with ADD or inattentive traits that did not fit earlier diagnostic models. I use both terms to reflect how people actually understand themselves and their experience.
A different way of understanding ADD and ADHD tendencies
Many people with ADD or ADHD tendencies, and other neurodivergent patterns, find that traditional approaches to change do not account for how their systems actually work. Rather than viewing ADD or ADHD as a problem to fix, I approach these resulting patterns as meaningful, protective coping mechanisms that a person’s system has developed over time.
From this perspective, struggles with focus, initiation, or follow-through are not signs of laziness or lack of willpower. They are often the result of a nervous system that responds differently to stimulation, expectation, and stress, combined with internal strategies that developed early in life to cope, perform, or stay safe.
Many people have spent years trying to override these patterns by pushing harder, criticizing themselves, or forcing productivity. Over time, that approach can create exhaustion, shame, and a sense of being at war with yourself.
The internal “noise” that makes change harder
People with ADD or ADHD tendencies often describe a lot happening internally. Racing thoughts, competing priorities, emotional intensity, self-criticism, urgency, and shutdown can all exist at once.
In a parts-informed way of understanding this, different inner responses may be trying to help in different ways. Some parts push. Some parts avoid. Some parts become critical. Others check out entirely. These responses are not random. They often developed early and served important purposes at the time.
When these internal dynamics interact with a sensitive or easily overwhelmed nervous system, change can feel especially difficult, even when the desire for change is strong.
Seeing the pattern through a parts-based lens
Through a parts-based IFS lens, we might spend time getting to know a part of you that feels the need to procrastinate or avoid starting. Rather than trying to eliminate that response, we would create a safe space to understand when this part formed, what it has been trying to protect, what role it serves in your system, and how it relates to ADD or ADHD tendencies.
We might also explore how other protective parts learned to respond over time, including an inner critic that became harsh in an attempt to motivate. As this cycle repeats, the nervous system often responds with urgency or panic, which then activates additional protective responses. Over time, a familiar loop can form, even when change is deeply wanted.
Understanding this loop allows us to slow it down. When parts feel seen rather than judged, and the nervous system feels more supported, new options for change can begin to emerge. Rather than trying to get rid of parts of you, we work within your system to understand what is still needed and what may be ready to soften or shift, especially patterns that were adaptive earlier in life but no longer serve you in the same way.
When the real struggle becomes self-criticism
For many people, the most painful part of living with ADD or ADHD tendencies is not the traits themselves, but the years of criticism that accumulate around them. Being told, explicitly or implicitly, to try harder, be more disciplined, or just do the thing can lead to a harsh inner narrative. Over time, this can create anxiety, shame, or a sense of mistrust toward yourself.
In therapy, we often find that these critical inner voices are not the enemy. They are protective responses that learned to motivate through pressure because that was what the environment demanded. The inner critic may worry that acceptance of ADD or ADHD tendencies will result in never accomplishing anything at all. In reality, understanding this dynamic can soften the internal fight and open space for change that does not require self-abandonment.
Working with your system instead of against it
Many people with ADD or ADHD tendencies have spent years trying to manage themselves by pushing harder, becoming more disciplined, or overriding their internal signals. While this approach is often well intentioned, it frequently dampens not only their capacity for change, but also some of their strongest abilities.
When pressure and self-criticism are reduced, people with ADD or ADHD tendencies often demonstrate strengths that may be less accessible to more neurotypical nervous systems, such as deep focus on meaningful interests, creative problem-solving, intuitive pattern recognition, emotional attunement, and the ability to think divergently rather than linearly.
Working with your system means learning the conditions under which these capacities emerge, rather than trying to force consistency through pressure. It also means recognizing that these traits are not problems to eliminate, but meaningful and useful parts of who you are. Parts that have been criticized for years can often breathe with relief when they are understood in this way.
Therapy becomes a place to explore how your nervous system, attention, and internal responses interact with one another, so change can happen in ways that support both growth and authenticity. I aim to create a compassionate space where all of these parts can feel accepted and supported, rather than managed or pushed aside.
How therapy with me approaches ADD and ADHD tendencies…
People often come to this work for many reasons, such as relationship struggles, burnout, life transitions, or a sense of feeling stuck. ADD or ADHD tendencies may not be the primary focus, but they often shape how these challenges are experienced and processed.
My approach integrates:
Parts-based IFS therapy to understand internal dynamics with curiosity and respect
Nervous system awareness to support regulation and capacity for change
Mindfulness to increase internal awareness without judgment
Energy psychology as an additional support when helpful
If you are someone who prefers therapy that relies on worksheets, productivity systems, or correcting thought patterns in order to force change, working with me may feel like we are focusing on something different than what you’re used to at first.
Rather than trying to override internal responses like procrastination or self-criticism, we approach them with curiosity and respect. This work honors the years of effort you may have already put into figuring out what does and does not work for you. Change emerges through cooperation and nervous system support, rather than pressure or pushing yourself harder.
The goal is not to eliminate parts of you, but to create more internal cooperation, flexibility, and ease, in order to support the life changes you want to make.
You can read more about my approach to therapy on my About page.
This work may be a good fit if…
You want to make a change but have a pattern of struggling to get started
You feel overwhelmed by internal noise, pressure, or self-criticism
Traditional productivity hacks or skills-based approaches have not worked for you
You resonate with ADD or ADHD traits, whether or not you have a diagnosis
You are tired of forcing yourself and want a different relationship with change
FAQs
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You don’t need to feel certain, motivated, or clear before starting therapy. Many people begin because something feels stuck, noisy, or unsustainable, even if they can’t yet name exactly what needs to change. Readiness often shows up as curiosity, discomfort, or a sense that forcing yourself to manage alone isn’t working anymore. Learn more.
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You don’t need to have a decision made before starting therapy. Often, therapy itself is where you begin to understand whether you want to make a change and what that change might look like. Rather than pushing toward a decision, we focus on creating enough internal safety and understanding for the next step to emerge in a way that feels authentic and sustainable to you. Learn more.
Frequently asked questions about starting therapy
You are not required to fix everything in order to begin.
Moving forward
You do not need to understand everything about ADD, ADHD, or IFS parts-based therapy to begin. Therapy can be a space to slow down, make sense of your individualized experience, and explore change in a way that respects how your system actually works.
If this way of understanding yourself resonates, you may find this approach supportive, whether or not you have ever thought of ADD or ADHD tendencies as extending beyond difficulty focusing on a specific task.
I am a Licensed Professional Counselor and psychotherapist in Missouri, offering online therapy to adults in St. Louis and across Missouri. Sessions take place via secure video.
If you are living outside the U.S., including in Portugal, you can read more about my work with people living abroad or navigating cross-cultural transitions on my International Clients page.
If you are curious about working together, the next step is to reach out to schedule a free 15-minute consultation or a full 50-minute first session. We can talk through what you are hoping for, any questions you have, and whether this feels like a good fit.
You do not need to have everything figured out before getting started. We will begin where you are.