Support for life changes when a relationship is ending
Specialized in working with women and LGBTQ+ clients primarily in St. Louis and Lisbon
Offering in-person sessions in Lisbon and online therapy across Missouri, Portugal, and internationally.
A nervous system, IFS/parts-informed approach.
Going through a major life change, especially the end of an important relationship, can leave you feeling unsettled, confused, or caught off guard.
You might find yourself replaying what happened, struggling with waking up alone, noticing a pull to fix what went wrong, feeling abandoned, or feeling torn between different reactions inside you. Part of you may want answers, part of you may feel overwhelmed, and part of you may just want the pain to stop.
If any of this sounds familiar, it makes sense. These moments often activate anxiety, grief, and old protective patterns, not because something is wrong with you, but because your nervous system is trying to regain a sense of safety and orientation.
I work with adults navigating major life changes like these. Together, we slow things down enough to notice what is happening inside. What comes up for you when you replay the events in your head, or, if you have had the courage to talk about it with someone, what comes up when you hear yourself say it out loud?
Many people come to therapy wanting to do deeper work, but are currently in the middle of a crisis. You may need support getting through the day, setting boundaries, staying focused at work, or finding a way to stop reaching out to someone who cannot meet your needs right now. We can attend to what is most urgent while also keeping an eye on the deeper patterns underneath, so you are not just surviving the moment, but supported through it and already moving toward what life may look like on the other side of the initial pain.
Often, people notice they feel two different ways at the same time. A part of you may still long for connection, while another is trying to protect against being hurt again. There may also be a part of you that feels unsure what to trust right now. We spend time noticing these different responses, without rushing them or forcing acceptance before your system is ready.
This work is grounded in nervous system awareness, Internal Family Systems, mindfulness, and energy psychology. It is thoughtful, relational, and paced with care.
During the healing process, many people find they feel less alone inside themselves, more able to reflect rather than react, and more trusting of their own experience. For some, there comes a moment when they can see that the end of the relationship, while deeply painful, opened space for a life that fits them better than what came before. What initially felt like an overwhelming life change may, over time, begin to feel more like a life transition. Everyone’s experience is different, though, and I respect where clients are on any given day in the process.
Why Major Life Changes Can Overwhelm the Nervous System.
When something important ends or shifts, especially a relationship that mattered, it is not just an emotional loss. It is a nervous system event.
Even when a relationship was not working, it often provided structure, predictability, and a sense of orientation. When that disappears, your system may react as if something essential for safety has been taken away. This can show up as anxiety, agitation, shutdown, difficulty concentrating, or a feeling of being all over the place. There is also grief for the life you thought you were going to have.
Many people notice they are thinking constantly about what happened, what they missed, or what they should have done differently. Others feel flooded with emotion at unexpected moments, or find it hard to function in ways that used to feel manageable. These reactions are not signs that you are weak or regressing. They are signs that your nervous system is trying to recalibrate after a sudden change.
For people with a history of attachment wounds, relational trauma, or early experiences of inconsistency or loss, life changes like these can hit even harder. Old protective patterns may come on quickly, including self-blame, jealousy, hypervigilance, or a strong urge to repair or reconnect at any cost.
Part of the work is slowing this process down enough to notice what is happening in real time. Instead of asking, “What is wrong with me?” we begin to ask, “What is my system responding to right now?” That shift alone can bring some relief and create space for choice.
At the same time, understanding what is happening does not mean you are expected to manage it perfectly. When your nervous system is overwhelmed, insight alone is rarely enough. Support, pacing, and regulation matter. This is why, in therapy, we often work both with what is happening in the present moment and with the deeper patterns underneath, so your system can feel steadier now while also learning new ways to respond over time.
Peace is not the absence of pain, but the capacity to be with it.
How I Work With Major Life Changes in Therapy
Life changes often come with uncertainty and more than we feel equipped to handle. In therapy, we sit with what you are dealing with right now, while also beginning to notice deeper parts of you that may have needed attention for a long time and that can influence how you experience the current change.
Sometimes the work starts very practically. You may need help stabilizing enough to get through the day, to concentrate at work, to sleep, or to create some distance from a situation or person that keeps pulling you back into pain. We focus first on what feels most urgent, with the goal of helping your system settle enough that you can function and breathe again.
We also make space to slow down and reflect. Doing this alone can feel impossible, because one moment you may feel one way and the next moment you feel something very different. It can even be hard to know how you feel at all. I listen for places where different reactions or needs show up at the same time, moments when part of you wants one thing and another part wants something very different. We approach these inner conflicts with curiosity rather than judgment, gently noticing what each response might be trying to protect or accomplish.
I tend to work by asking simple, grounding questions. What was the worst part about that for you? What are you noticing in your body right now as you talk about that? What is it like to hear yourself say that out loud? These questions are asked in a gentle way that welcomes your system to open as it is ready. They can help you feel less alone with what you are experiencing and more connected to your own internal signals.
My approach is informed by nervous system awareness, Internal Family Systems, mindfulness, and energy psychology. The pace of processing life changes related to loss is different for everyone. At times, a current change can activate something deeper than the presenting loss itself. When this happens, therapy can become a space for meaningful healing, in a way that allows more vulnerable parts of you to feel supported and cared for rather than exposed.
We work at a pace your system can tolerate, tending to things inside of you that may not have had space or attention before. With this style of therapy, insight, compassion, and new choices often begin to emerge naturally, rather than being forced.
Throughout the process, I respect that healing is not linear. Some days may feel clearer, while others feel tender or confusing. We adjust to where you are on a given day, keeping the work flexible and responsive rather than rigid or overly planned. While it can be tempting to try to map out exactly when and how healing should happen, humans are far more complex than any plan could foresee.
You can read more about my approach to therapy on my About page.
Who This Work Is Especially Helpful For
This work may be a good fit if you are navigating a life change that feels big or destabilizing.
You might recognize yourself here if:
You are going through the end of an important relationship and feel caught between grief, self-doubt, and the urge to understand what happened.
You notice anxiety, emotional overwhelm, or difficulty concentrating that makes it hard to function day to day, even when you are trying to hold things together.
You feel pulled in different directions internally, wanting closeness or reassurance at the same time as wanting distance, protection, or independence.
You tend to be hard on yourself for your reactions, or you worry that you are too much or not enough.
You find yourself turning to old patterns or less healthy coping strategies, like food, alcohol, sex, or other distractions, to manage difficult feelings, and you know you want something different for yourself.
You have tried pushing through, being strong, or talking yourself out of how you feel, and it has not brought the relief you hoped for.
You are interested in therapy that looks beneath surface coping and helps you understand your responses in a way that feels compassionate and grounded, rather than pathologizing.
You recognize that you have made some mistakes and want to learn from them, rather than staying stuck in blame or shame.
Some people are surprised to find that even in the midst of grief or major change, there can be moments of lightness or even genuine laughter in therapy. Sometimes humor shows up as a protective response, and we pay attention to that. Other times, laughter or lightness reflect relief, connection with your therapist, or a nervous system settling just enough to exhale. I value creating a space where depth and lightness can coexist, where the work is meaningful and honest, and where moments of shared humanity support trust rather than distract from what matters.
This work can also be supportive if you are someone who wants depth, but needs help in the present moment too. Many people I work with are seeking both immediate support during a difficult period and space to explore the deeper patterns that shape how they relate, grieve, and move through change as they enter the next chapter of their life.
You do not need to have the right words for what you are experiencing, or a clear sense of where things are headed. We start with where you are.
What This Therapy Is and Isn’t…
Working with me may initially feel like we are focusing on something different than what you expect, especially if you are looking for therapy that offers quick answers, advice about what to do next, or ways to push through grief as efficiently as possible. I pay attention to parts of you that have immediate needs, while also slowing things down enough to understand what your system is responding to and why, rather than trying to override pain or force clarity. This allows support and insight to emerge in a way that feels grounded, compassionate, and sustainable, rather than rushed or dismissive of what you are actually carrying.
This therapy is a place to make sense of what you are experiencing and receive support that is both practical and emotionally attuned. It is collaborative, paced with care, and responsive to where you are on a given day and to the changes you want to make.
This work is:
A space to understand your reactions through a nervous system-informed lens, rather than judging or trying to eliminate them.
Supportive during periods of crisis, helping you stabilize enough to function while also tending to deeper patterns underneath.
A gentle space with room for reflection, honesty, and moments of shared humanity.
Oriented toward growth that unfolds over time, as insight, compassion, and new choices emerge naturally.
This work is not:
A quick fix or a rigid, step-by-step program for getting over something on a set timeline.
Focused on forcing positivity or forgiveness, rather than honoring what feels authentic and supportive for you.
A place to learn how to change another person you are in conflict with.
About assigning blame, pathologizing your responses, or telling you how you should feel.
A one-size-fits-all approach. We adjust the work as you change, rather than expecting you to fit a predefined model.
You do not need to arrive with clarity, certainty, or a polished story. You also do not need to know exactly what you want from therapy right away. We can begin by attending to what feels most pressing and let understanding and direction take shape from there.
Frequently asked questions about therapy
FAQs
-
No. Many people begin therapy feeling overwhelmed or unsure where to start. We can begin with what feels most present or urgent and allow clarity to emerge over time. Learn more.
-
That is very common. Therapy can support you whether the relationship has ended, is ending, or feels uncertain. We work with what is actually happening in your life, without pressure to make decisions before you are ready. Learn more.
-
You can begin by scheduling a free 15-minute consultation. This gives us a chance to get to know each other a bit and see whether working together feels like a good fit before scheduling a first appointment. Learn more.
Working Together
If you are considering therapy during a major life change, it is okay if you are unsure where to begin. Many people reach out feeling overwhelmed, conflicted, or uncertain about what they need. We can start by talking about what has been most present for you lately and what support might feel helpful right now.
I am a Licensed Professional Counselor and psychotherapist in Missouri, offering online therapy to adults in St. Louis and across Missouri via secure video.
If you are living outside the U.S., including in Portugal, you can read more about how this work is offered on my International Clients page.
If you are curious about working together, the next step is to reach out to schedule a free 15-minute consultation or a full 50-minute first session. We can talk through what you are hoping for, any questions you have, and whether this feels like a good fit.
You do not need to have everything figured out before getting started. We will begin where you are.